I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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