i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
