I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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