I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize