Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
