True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
