We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
