I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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