my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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