I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize