His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
