i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
