it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
