She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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