my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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