When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
