he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
