a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize