I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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