I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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