Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
