She said her name was "party"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My bed smells like the plague
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