East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize