I can text with my tongue
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
