Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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