I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
