on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
