Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize