Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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