Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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