And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
