in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
