She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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