Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
how drunk are you?
Several
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
