I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
