That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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