C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize