Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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