I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
did i just pee glitter
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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