I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
