Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize