There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
