Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
