I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
