I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
