We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she smelled like a LAN party
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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