there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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