How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
