On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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