I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize