guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My liver just broke up with me...
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize