carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
