How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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