time to smoke my breakfast
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
