according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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