I think my vagina is haunted
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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