sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
