Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize