nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
