WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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