batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
