I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
