dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
