I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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