haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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