i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
