Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
