As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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