he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
