Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
