Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
